ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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