It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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