We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
