Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
