True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
