omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
