He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
