But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
