So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
