And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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