There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want nice things and good sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
