tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
