Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
