Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize