I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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