fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My penis needs a shock collar
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize