i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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