I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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