she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
