Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
