My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
