chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
