If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
