god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
