I cannot find my penis.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
