You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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