yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize