Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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