This girl is more easily done than said...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
