YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
