but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
