eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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