My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
