im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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