hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
