The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
