I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
