I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
