You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
