Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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