i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
