the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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