Umm I'm too high to move.
This is not my ceiling
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize