Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
