he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
