I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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