Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
