The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
