just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize