to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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