All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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