9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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