are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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