I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
