I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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