Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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