I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
