My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
