bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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