the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Terrible idea I love it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize