He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
