Whod you bang
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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