There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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