You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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