you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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