ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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