oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
