she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
