Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
