she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
