My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
