You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
