I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
