on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize