I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
