i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
