I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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