I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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