Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
