Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
