To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
