trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
