i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
