i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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