my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
