I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
