Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
