yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
