I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
