My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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