I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
