Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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