I need help removing her.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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