we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
